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Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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I was doing a search on google, and this old ass LJ actually came up.. I havent written here in a year @_o Or more. So news update I guess.
Nursing school on horizon. Carlos is still my baby. I wuvs him. Im a poor ass mother ****.. Jordans dating a girl named becka. I had balogna sandwhich for lunch. Acing math. And thats about it.
Ok I have to head to school.. Final today.. eww. Mr. Scurry is the devil. I had a test yesterday, math. Today is A&P2 lab final. Tommarrow is A&P2 Lecture test, then Micro biology test. Then tuesday is Math final, A&P2 Final and Micro bio final.
Advil anyone?
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5am :drive carlos to airport
9am :Full 9-5 interview. Sun blazing, me walking around in buisnes wear. Not cool
5pm :Final interview. I get hired. Woohoo. Welcome back corperate america
Now : Im sleeping so buzz off :)
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Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
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OK so today was that interview with that marketing place! I was so nervous.. I got there after getting lost, and talked to a nice lady who was going for the job too. We chatted a bit and then she got called in. 10 min later, I got called in. :) He started asking me lots of questions, like what i want from the company, where i want to eventually be. Lots of things. Apparently I answered alot of things the way he wanted. :) I left the office with a smile on my face hehe. Then i went with carlos to get his hair relaxed... I dont think ive ever been in a solan that big! I mean wow. Coral springs is the place to get your hair cut! The front desk had 3 people in front of computers with ear pieces constantly talking, it was so cool and futuristic. The place was ENORMUS! And after he was done we went to dinner at this thai place with silvia. Silvia is this really cool old rich lady heh. Noni thinks iim doing sexual favors for her haha. The thai place was amazing, the food was awesome. I got sweet and sour chicken, THAI style! WOOT! It was awesome, peppers, tomatos, onions, the works! Was verrrrry spicy hehe. Then i came home to carlos place, we did our thing ;) alot. and now hes packin hehe. NOW hes naked next to me gotta go ;)
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Well Today turned out to be pretty damn nice. My carlos came over around 2, and we sat down with my dad and talked abut his experience with a catholic psychic laty he had just had.. She said my ouija board is evil ( so i laffed, moronic catholic bitch) She also said me being a devil worshiper is bad. Apparently wiccans worship the devil.. thats news to me... hehe. So hes in his room now doing a cleansing house ceremony... Kinda off... reminded me that I need to start practicing again.. Ive been so busy ive been negelecting my beliefs.. Sigh... Anways.. so we left and went to la grandha. Awesome food. End of story. I have a job interview tommarrow at 12 EEP!! im so nervous!! talked to carlos about my beliefs.. got the feelin he just doesnt think they are valid.. i dunno.. Then at night isabel came over. It rocked to see her ^_^ i missed her like a castrated man misses his balls. we talked abit. she got stuff off her chest about things. all in all a good day. Ok talkin to the sis now, LATER!
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Well today passed and went. Carlos and I talked a little about out previous fight.. both said we were sorry, despite our differences... Its hard to make things work when he and I are so completly diffrent people. but... at the same time.. i dunno. He just makes me feel really speacil. Damn this not being single shit isnt all it's cracked up to be.. Oh and BTW my sista rulez 8) West side! It sucks cause i cant find a middle ground between my 4 different clicks of friends, my family, AND my BF. Everyone demands my attention, so I end up upsetting like 10+ people daily cause there isnt enough of me to go around.. And when I try to incoporate them all they argue or annoy each other @_@ Socail life sucks hehe. Of course everyone sees me tryin to juggle them all as some sad attempt to spend time with other people. Heh it could be worse ^_^. I picked up Isabel a Big bouncy ball today with sparkles in it cause i know she likes it. Was gonna get my sis one too but couldnt find another 50cents :( I actually found a potentail job today. Gotta call tommarrow on another call back i got ;) WoOT! "I dont wanna touch you to much baby, makin love to you might drive me crazy, i know we think that love is the way you make it, so i dont wanna be there when you decide to break it" I hope things work out with everyone. -this part was expempt by my sister- Hmm i think thats about it.
For cute pic of the day http://facethejury.com/images/photos/Li/Linkinpark3.jpg
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BattyChong: r u there
Tricken4Me: yea aol bumoped me
Tricken4Me: rawr
BattyChong: so what happened to u yesterday?
Tricken4Me: well i called abercrombie, they didnt schdule me again so i was like ok fuck that
Tricken4Me: got online sent out about 20 resumes
Tricken4Me: called sam
Tricken4Me: and went job hunting
Tricken4Me: picked up a few applications
Tricken4Me: got a telemarketing job from brians boss
Tricken4Me: and have an interview sometime this week with another company
BattyChong: so when do u start?
Tricken4Me: by the time i was done with all that it was late and we went to sams to eat
Tricken4Me: well i am going in a bit to an interview at brians job to meet with his boss
Tricken4Me: so whats up with you?
BattyChong: did you read what I wrote?
Tricken4Me: you wrot?
BattyChong: typed
Tricken4Me: nope
Tricken4Me: what did ya type?
Tricken4Me: hello?
BattyChong: u cant read what Ia m typing?
Tricken4Me: i can read THAT
Tricken4Me: what is it you typed that i missed
BattyChong: i typed it again
Tricken4Me: nope
BattyChong: i said that I was under the impression that you were going to call me yesterday as soon as you woke up
Tricken4Me: i forgot
BattyChong: so u never thought about me the whole day... nothign that might have sparked the interest of what I was up to or anythign
Tricken4Me: i didnt say that
BattyChong: i know u didnt
Tricken4Me: of course i did, i was just to busy
Tricken4Me: excuse me?
BattyChong: I did
Tricken4Me: i said of course i did, dont tell me i didnt
BattyChong: that is not what I said
BattyChong: you said: I didnt say that
Tricken4Me: i c
BattyChong: so I said: I know you didnt.... I did
Tricken4Me: ok well like i said it was a very busy day
Tricken4Me: i just didnt get around to calling
BattyChong: yeah
Tricken4Me: so whats up...
BattyChong: nothing Ian... nothing is up
Tricken4Me: ok then whats on ur mind
Tricken4Me: you there?
BattyChong: yeh
Tricken4Me: y so quiet
BattyChong: in my mind... there is probably stuff I need to digest until it exits my head and stops bothering me
Tricken4Me: like
BattyChong: well it is obviously stuff regarding you so I rather digest it instead of bringing it up and making it uncomfortable
Tricken4Me: ...if you dont talk about it nothign gets resolved and ill likly do it again without knowing
BattyChong: I guess we just have different ideas of what having a boyfriend is like
Tricken4Me: what do you mean by that?
BattyChong: i mean that in our thinking and way of acting what a bf means for you is apparently different from what it means for me
Tricken4Me: in what ways
BattyChong: which is not good or bad... it is just different
Tricken4Me: ok well listen
BattyChong: well
Tricken4Me: i dunno what the differences are,
BattyChong: go ahead
Tricken4Me: they are probably subtle
Tricken4Me: and no drastic things but there
Tricken4Me: and obviously enough to upset ya
Tricken4Me: im sorry, im thinking you think that i cant find a proper balance of you and my friends or something
Tricken4Me: because thats what you make big things about
Tricken4Me: i did try to put both together
Tricken4Me: turned out you dont much like them or try to even be socail with them
Tricken4Me: and they asked me not to bring you around unless you decide to talk to them next time
Tricken4Me: cause they noticed you dont talk to them, and usually bitch about leaving cause your bored
Tricken4Me: which is ok cause they arent your kinda peopel
Tricken4Me: but its hard to find middle ground when i have so many people wanting my time
Tricken4Me: and i refuse to choose them over you or vice versa
BattyChong: very difficult to feel welcomed when you get up for something and they take your chair leaving you out of the inner click
Tricken4Me: there was one chair missing
Tricken4Me: someone was having to shar ea chair
Tricken4Me: but thats not what they were talkin about
Tricken4Me: they say that everytime i bring ya, you bitch about being there or just plain leave, and that makes them feel uncomfortable
Tricken4Me: and i know its hard for you to converse with them
Tricken4Me: they are D&D dorks
Tricken4Me: not your kinda friends
Tricken4Me: im tryin my best to keep everyone happy ok?
BattyChong: dude i cant belive you dont consider the chair incident somethign relevant... for me it was disrespectful beyond believe
Tricken4Me: i dunno what your talkin about cause i only remember you being in a chair behind me andthen next to me
Tricken4Me: i dont rememer anyone stealing it
BattyChong: i was sitting on the table next to you with Rita and her friend
BattyChong: my cell phone and change was on the table
BattyChong: Samantha didn't have a chair and bitched about it.... so I got up to get a napkin and when I come back she had taken the chair I was sitting on
BattyChong: Brian even said: HAHA you lost your seat!
Tricken4Me: i dont remember that at all
Tricken4Me: :(
BattyChong: well I am not making it up
Tricken4Me: i know your not you wouldnt
Tricken4Me: but they werent being mean on purpose or laffin to be mean
Tricken4Me: its all in good fun with my friends
BattyChong: here is the thing Ian
BattyChong: those are really petty issues
Tricken4Me: i know
BattyChong: i am not out to get things my way
Tricken4Me: i know your not
BattyChong: in a relationship I am out to give more than to receive
Tricken4Me: yea
BattyChong: but if it starts looking like I give and give and give and get nothing in return, and see no effort then I get frustrated
Tricken4Me: you saying i dont give in return?
BattyChong: I am not refering to u in particular
BattyChong: hold on
Tricken4Me: in particular meaning me included...
BattyChong: do you think that a relationship means compromising and sacrificing?
Tricken4Me: some of it yes
Tricken4Me: othrwise you fight
BattyChong: do you think you have compromised a lot, meaning giving up stuff you usually do, to be with me?
Tricken4Me: yes
BattyChong: example
Tricken4Me: you want me to give an example? fine
BattyChong: yes because they dont seem too obvious... so I cant gauge the effor u r putting
Tricken4Me: when i go to make plans with my friends i now get the "is carlos coming along?" Q cause you annoy them. and i do try to talk you along because i know you dont do anything else.
Tricken4Me: I also deal with you judging everything i do
Tricken4Me: and in case you didnt notice its HARD when i have a socail life and you dont
Tricken4Me: becaus eyou have no fuckin clue on how friends and managing everyone works
Tricken4Me: because you get mad when i dont spend all my time with you or tryin to chill with you
Tricken4Me: its not my fault you have nothing else to do
Tricken4Me: yet you always make me feel guilty when i dont invite you along everday to do something
Tricken4Me: and mon-thur you usually have to sleep at my place
BattyChong: yeah well it is not my fault I am hurt and cannot spend time doing the things that usually took away my boredom = working out, sports, etc
Tricken4Me: well it sucks ur hurt i know
BattyChong: I do not have to sleep at your place at all man... before I met you I didnt do it once so I think I am fine without it
Tricken4Me: yea but its prefered by both of us
Tricken4Me: usually though that ends up being a mon- sunday thing
Tricken4Me: and i need space to breathe after a few days
Tricken4Me: listen
BattyChong: well its ok u will ahve oplenty of breath time when i leave
Tricken4Me: well thats gonna be tuff acuse thats 2 weeks without ya
Tricken4Me: and im going to miss you
Tricken4Me: its just you expect so much from me
Tricken4Me: and when i fuck up or dont do something you would have done, you call me on it in an obvious way
Tricken4Me: and make me feel guilty for it
BattyChong: if u at least admited that you fucked up i would be the first not to criticize or point it out
Tricken4Me: thats not true
Tricken4Me: ive told you i was going to do things that you didnt approve of
Tricken4Me: and you still got mad at me
BattyChong: when was this?
Tricken4Me: good ex was when sam was here before she had to leave
Tricken4Me: i told everyone i had plans
Tricken4Me: and that id have to be someplace that night
Tricken4Me: when the time came and we werent done eating i didnt say anything
Tricken4Me: but then i got the call sayin i was late and had to leave
Tricken4Me: so i did
Tricken4Me: that of course wasnt good enough, and you had to make me feel like shit anyways
BattyChong: i just would never leave my boyfriend doing my dishes and go party with my friends... never
BattyChong: but hten again... as I said at the begiining we are different
Tricken4Me: and it was a specail circumstance tht i GACE warning to
Tricken4Me: gave*
Tricken4Me: but you still held it against me
Tricken4Me: you always point out when i fuck up just to show how much you disaprove and how as you put it, selfish i am
BattyChong: ok well
Tricken4Me: and if you didnt notice my friends are my family, i grew up with them, leaving family to go see more family is how i see it
Tricken4Me: i know you dont like my friends, thats ok, and i know i piss you off sometimes cause you dont approve, but thats how things are, i try at least
Tricken4Me: so stop acting like my parent and more liek the happy go lucky carlos i love
Tricken4Me: i have to go take a shower now
Tricken4Me: interview in an hour
BattyChong: bye
Tricken4Me: ill talk to you later
Tricken4Me: bye
BattyChong signed off at 1:23 PM
ugh, someone please kill me
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Yeap the time has come to put this damn thing to use once more. I was gonna delete all the depressing shit before this since its so old, but nah, its memories i suppose. Heres a FAST update on me life. Over danny 100% hehe. Fuck him. Dating this amazing guy carlos. WOOHOO! I think me fallin for the bloke hehe. Moms divorcing that cunt of a husband she had for so long. God i hate him. Yea... so well since this was a quickie, im gonna go now. *crashes through city and picks up car "save me save me" RAWRRRR!!* Lilo and stich owns you. w3rd.
You will be sucked dry by a leech. I'd stay away
from swimming holes, and stick to good old
cement. Even if it does hurt like hell when
your toe scrapes the bottom.
-loki
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Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
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I woke up at 4.. dozed off, 4:15... dozed off.. This repeated till 6:00AM. After my alarm clock had gone off, very loudly I might add, I jumped outta bed, hit the shower, got ready to go, and was out the door in less then 20 min. I was on my way to take my sister to her first day of high school. "Wow arent you the big brother?" Actually yes I am, bitch :) I arrived on location, picked up the good (my sis) and rushed her to see her new home for the next 4 years.
We got there and she was just so nervous.. Excited, but nervous. I remember that feeling. I miss it. We ended up running into some of her friends, and some of mine. I got to see Kitty, and Ana, and Jen. :) I was a happy camper and so was my sister. It started to get near the bell time so I had to leave, I entrusted my sister to my friends and began to walk to my car. That was when Gabe caught up with me, I offered him a ride home after school and we went our ways.
On the drive out, I passed tons of student cars, school bound. I saw heather and susan and we all exchanged smiles and waves, that made me happy. I then inthe distance saw james in the passenger seat of his dads car. He smiled at me. I smiled back. In the backseat were danny, slumped and kinda upset looking, and his ex bitch, arms crossed on the other side. The atmoshpere felt unfriendly just from lookin at them. He say me and gave me a quirked smile as I beamed mine at him. It was nice to see him, I woulda prefered him to be more upbeat but im betting the bloke was tired as hell, maybe even stressed... I dont know.
After that, i went back to my moms, waited for her, and ate some food. Food is good, i like it. Mom came home, saw my hair, and convinced me that I needed to shave it because it was starting to dread itself... Low and behold, an hour later I was getting my hair, that Id loved, colored, and attempted to grow out.. I was getting it shaved. I promised myself I wouldnt cry over something so trivial.. but to me it meant alot.
MDCC was on my next order of business. I got my sexy student ID pic taken. Got my tag. And spent the day running around getting shit done for my twin. Hours later, we ended up back at the house. I went to go pick katie and gabe up from school. We went to gabes and chilled.. youll notice that im gettnig in less detail.. im tired as all hell...
To sum things up, got kate to work late, then came home to type this shit up.
OK now on to my personal thoughts.. I dont know why.. but Latly ive been feeling this longing to hold someone, anyone. I think im lonly :( I was praying that master would have been the one I had been searching for all this time... We compliment each other perfectly, emotionaly, mentally, and physically.. hes just not willing to go there as of yet. It sucks but I must find a new person to give my heart to.. I just cant seem to let go though... I have so much invested in him. Problem is, im not getting anything back. Hes to indwelt to focus on anyone but himself, yes he is selfish with his emotions. But i love him for him, i accept his flaws.. anyways.. wish me luck on my search...
-loki
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Monday, August 26th, 2002
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Hey gir..
Ive decided to start this live journal crap.. Im not the type to believe in putting personal thoughts online.. but as of latly, my memory has been getting worse and worse.. I think somethings wrong... Long story short, ive decided to keep it written down, for my sake. I dont know where to begin on things.. Life has been very interesting for me these past few days.. Ive done some things I cant take back.. and even if I could, I wouldnt.. Ive lost so many of my close friends... And school.. and work.. all of it. Its to much. Im about to vent, so if your easily offended, leave.
I will start off with people, humans deserver place over things and places.
My master:
Well things have been the usual with him and I. We joke around, spill out all out problems and find solace in each others comapny. Latly though.. something has been changing.. I have stayed the same, but my master.. Hes having an inner conflict, and I think its been stirring for quite some time now.. I know its not fair to say, but I need to say it for me to remember.. I think hes having identiy issues.. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, whom I might add was crazy. Ive tried my best to steer him clear but somethings not right.. Things have lead me to believe, dispite his blunt denials of his sexual interest, that he is in fact not completly straight... Who am I to make such a claim? I know its not fair.. but you have to understand. I have only recently begun to notice his feminie aura. While in school I would be approached by random people asking who my bf was, and when I said, i didnt have one, they would point to danny and call me a liar.. Person after person would ask me why my best friend was flirting with me. Flirting you ask? Thats what I said, he wasnt flirting, its just how we act.. or was he? Honestly only he knows whats going on in his head.. Yea we have talked about how cool it would be if we dated, and how happy we would be.. But every time I confront him, he denys me. Knowing my place I have backed off, only fools push people who are not willing, or ready to venture to uncharted places.. However, all that changed. The other night, my master and I slept at a friends. Yes I have a cuddling issue, i love it, and cant sleep without it. Being all in the same bed, master was more then willing to offer himself as my companion for night time contact. I was taken by surprise but nevertheless, I welcomed him under my arm, as it made me happy. Not to many things do. And as we laid there, with less then air between us, i felt safe.. And I felt like i was guarding my precious from all that would haunt his dreams that night. And it hit me. If this felt so perfect, and right, and he was ok with it, how could it be wrong to him? Simple, he denys what makes him happy for fear of the unknown has the power to crush insecure people. I am fighting to help him find his peace. Be it str8 or bi/gay. I just want to see him happy. And i will sacrafice anything I have to, even my own happyness, just to see him smile. He deserves so much that I cant give him, and everyon passes him off as odd or crazy, given he does act strange, I love him, and thats how its going to stay. Be it as a friend or lover. Deep down.. sometimes.. I envy him so damn much it chokes me.. Hes beautiful, smart, funny, charismatic, and so many other things.. and somtimes... I think I got the better deal... so whatever happens, Im happy both ways.
Steven:
My best friend in the whole universe. He left for college 5 days ago. I havent been lonlier. Amongst other things, he was my beach pal, and food guru, and so may more things i loved. I miss him so much it hurts...
Family life:
This one is a killer. There is no family here. It is 3 loners, all of whom have no ability to communicate, save myself. Its stressful, cold, and dark.. I want out. My master and I both have this problem within our home. For him though i think its more of whats keeping him in the cycle of self denial and confusion. For me, its more of a yourn for more... He and I have decided to move in together, get an 1 bedroom apt, and live happily. I dont know what that will do for our friendship, or even if that will turn it into more, that entirly depends on him and his reality. I will let the stars do their work with this one, and i shall not interfer...
School: I start at MDCC on wensday.. Im takin tv instead of film.. Not what i wanted and It depressed me, but TV is where i will make the money I require to survive on my own. It will also provide a future for my master... God knows he is going to need help... Speakin of school. I have to be up in 7 hours, im takin my sis to her first day of HS and walking her to class. Which means I really should go.. Sorry for writing so much, it happens. love ya.
- loki
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Sunday, February 17th, 2002
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Its been 3 eons since I went into hybernation sleep. Now, I have finally arrived at my take over point, earth. Here the creatures are slow, lazy, and smell like decomposition. I have found this particular family interesting. They seem to quarrel over this large one in particular. I think they refer to her as "the large one" I have yet to desipher this planets language. The sexy hot model like human seems to not take kindly to this monster.. while the other procreates with it. ive never seen such cannabalism in my existance. My craft has already taken the shape of a kindly ordinary human like lawn gnome on the front of this units house. From my base of operation I will learn this units weakness and find a way to use it against the whole populous taking it over for the "semi phenominal cosmic power" A.k.a. Fluffy. Oh, the no light time has come to pas so quickly on this small planet, i must regenerate so i can observe the humans tommarrow. Van Dalh till then
- Gir.
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l_o_k_i's journal
amused.
contemplative.